What was the worst Trump holiday gift?

Still searching for that perfect gift for the progressive who has everything? Yes, it’s Trump toilet paper.

It’s probably a good thing that the time for gift giving is over. Otherwise, someone might give you one of these items that feature Donald Trump in some way. And you couldn’t pay to give these suckers away at a White Elephant gift exchange.

Those “Make America Great Again” hat ornaments are so 2016, but you can still get ‘em all over the internet, at prices as low as $9.99, no doubt being unloaded by disillusioned Trump voters. Some of the ones sold through Amazon, trimmed with 24-karat gold, are much more pricey at $59.99. The Amazon reviews are as caustic as ever:

  • “I put this on my shelf next to my Russian nesting doll ornaments.”
  • “This ornament keeps tweeting at 3 a.m.”
  • “I think it tried to deport the figures in our nativity scene.”
  • “Damn … I have to go. There’s a group of carolers in white cloaks on my lawn.”

Would YOU want to open a gift wrapped in this?

There’s no shortage of political swag on Etsy, no matter your political leanings, and you can search for it all over 120 pages. Mugs saying “Wake up and smell the covfefe,” mugs saying “Don’t blame me, I voted for Hillary,” T-shirts, Trump voodoo dolls, pink pussy hats, and much more.

Zazzle also has lots of politically-related items for any political taste on nearly 7,000 pages. There are buttons and T-shirts that proclaim “Super Callous Fragile Racist Sexist Not My POTUS.” You can get a “Make America Great Again” sticker — in Russian. But to give your gifts that extra certain something, you can wrap everything in Donald Trump wrapping paper. If you don’t like what’s pictured, you can order wrapping paper with images of Trump riding a “Rocket Man” nuclear missile or snowflake-patterned wrap also proclaiming that it’s “Mueller time.”

Let’s see what else we shouldn’t buy.

No. Just — no.

There’s apparently a cottage industry of Trump ugly Christmas sweaters. A Pinterest page offers up a whole slew of them, from sweatshirts that proclaim “Make Christmas Great Again” (seems to be a favorite theme in Trumpland), to a sweater that says “All I Want for Christmas is a New President” with an image of Trump in a circle with the universal diagonal slash indicating NO, to a Trump-adorned sweater that says “May All Your Christmases Be White.” Sorry, we’ll keep shopping.

There are still sweaters with an anti-Hillary Clinton theme (aren’t they ever going to drop that?), and several making fun of Trump’s tiny hands and hair (“Do You Hair What I Hair?” is one repeating favorite). There’s even one with an image of Trump proclaiming a “White Trash White House.”

Such an attractive gang of miscreants.

Also available from Etsy is an array of Trump-themed matryoshka dolls. You remember these Russian nested dolls, right, where each wooden figure opens to find a smaller image inside? They keep opening until you reveal the smallest one? Pairing Trump and his BFF, Russian President Vladimir Putin, is just too easy to resist. I thought the one pictured was especially choice. (There are also matryoshka doll sets with Trump and his three wives or sets with Trump, Melania, and the whole Trump family, but those just looked too scary to share. It is Christmas, after all. Peace on Earth.)

Did you know that there’s an official White House Gift Shop? It’s in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building next to the White House. Past administrations have kept the merchandise general, without offering items that were obvious commercial products of a particular president. You could buy flags, coins, and baby gifts, such as bibs that said “Future President.” There are several items with the presidential seal, such as pen and pencil sets, Christmas ornaments, and the like. So surely there wouldn’t be anything as tacky as Trump-related merchandise, right?

Who would pay $24.95 for this?

Yes, that was a joke. OF COURSE there’s Trump-related merchandise. There’s all kinds of merch with his ugly mug, from mugs to shirts to calendars to bobble-head dolls. There are leftovers from the poorly-attended inauguration (on sale, of course, since so few people wanted them in the first place), GOP elephant-adorned swag (because why shouldn’t they try to sell the image of a political party in what’s supposed to be “the people’s house”?), and (of course) a red “Make America Great Again” hat. The hats with the presidential seal are proudly labeled “USA made.” Not true of the MAGA hats, though. Sad!

You can even get a refrigerator magnet with a photo of Trump, Melania, and Barron, which is pretty special since Barron was left out of the official White House Christmas card. (Barron was also missing from the Trump family photo that supporters were asked to sign, even though Uday Don Jr., Qusay Eric, Ivanka, and even Tiffany came out of hiding to make an appearance. This all caused #WheresBarron to start trending on Twitter.)

If you really want to toss your Christmas cookies, head over to the official Donald J. Trump Store. Apparel, hats, signs, stickers, a MAGA pet leash (no dog would have such bad taste) — it’s all there. Signs proclaim, “Buy American, Hire American,” even though Trump family products are produced overseas. Items are described as being “Decorated in the USA” rather than “Made in the USA.”

The worst, most over-the-top gift (it is real, despite looking like a Saturday Night Live spoof) is Trumpy Bear. It’s a 22-inch stuffed bear with orange combed-over hair to look like you-know-who. If you reach in a slit in the back, you pull out a U.S. flag blanket (doesn’t that violate the flag code?). The “limited edition” bear is currently unavailable from Amazon. Sad! And the video, whether it’s a spoof or real, is frightening all on its own.

Actually, here’s a holiday gift we can all get behind:

Originally posted on Daily Kos on Dec. 24, 2017.

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